3 Years of Freedom

Amelia, Lili, Gg, and I were outside enjoying the first Fall weather day of the year. Just relaxing on the patio, dressing and feeding baby dolls and chatting about travel plans. Lili went inside for a bit and came back out about 10 minutes later holding an ice cream cone in her hand. It was packed full of mango sorbet and a long spoon stuck in the top. “Gg, I got you ice cream!” After she brought out Gg’s, she went back inside and got the cone she made for Amelia.

Now, you might think to yourself, “Why was a 3-year-old allowed to get food on her own?” But the better question is, where exactly were those items located and how did she get them? That was my question!

The mango sorbet was in the middle shelf of the freezer, which Lil can reach on her own. The spoon, something she gets daily. The cones however, were located on top of bowls on the very tip top shelf of the top cabinets in the kitchen. Also, mind you, we had not used said cones in many months, so that’s an impressive memory right there… I asked her how she got the cones and initially she lied (thinking she was in trouble I assume) “You left the door open” but once I told her she wasn’t in trouble and she needn’t lie she told me she got up on the counter with the stool and reached up high.

Now, you are most certainly thinking to yourself, “That girl is in big trouble.” But that is where conventional parenting and I differ drastically. Instead of getting initially angry that she didn’t ask me, that she climbed on the counter, that she used scissors by herself to open the tricky packaging, that she lied, etc. I am baffled by her kindness and dedication to the task.

Also, I believe that it is because I do not blow up at her that she feels safe and free to explore, learn, ask questions, and express herself. Yes, she did lie, but she quickly told the truth and we moved on. I later went inside with her and had her clean-up (this is her biggest struggle).

Our evening was wonderful, without quarrel and I was yet again impressed with the level of compassion, empathy, and sincerity bottled up in a child who has only been around for 3 short years.

Mind you, I in no way, tout myself to be a parenting expert, (that would take at least 10 years 😉 thanks Malcolm Gladwell!). However, it seems as though my approach is quite effective (with my children) in combating constant tantrums, uncontrolled anger, deception, carelessness, screaming, violence, and stress. In fact, my approach appears to nurture compassion, consistent sleep, empathy, sympathy, honesty, self-discipline, self-awareness and a high level of emotional regulation and cuteness factor. 🙂

Who knows what the girls will be like as older children, teenagers, young adults, etc. But for now, this approach works well for me and my children. I certainly hope it continues to be successful (in my eyes, which are the only ones that matter) because it makes for a mostly delightful experience with my toddlers.

…Now if I can just figure out how to get her to effectively wipe her own ass!