Tag Archives: sadness
You never know if someone is hurting. Sometimes they don’t even know. . This is pretty well out in the open these days in terms of depression and such, but yet it obviously needs to be said and recognized and acknowledged in different forms. My anxiety has probably been around for quite some time, I’d say at least 10 years, if not 20. (And I don’t want to dive into its origin, childhood and crap like that.) It was only until about 5 years ago or so that I noticed it. About 4 years ago when my brother really pin-pointed my moments of anxiety and shed light on them from an honest, loving, and intuitive outsider’s perspective. He politely and delicately suggested medication and/or therapy, which is something I shy away from due to my “I can fix anything” attitude. I didn’t consider medicine as a fix, but instead, a […]
Postpartum depression is a roller coaster of emotions following giving birth. It can happen to fathers and mothers, and can manifest immediately or months after birth. For me, it came around 4 weeks postpartum with my third child. It is different for everyone who goes through it, but this is my version. My newest little lady is immensely beautiful and I could stare at her and snuggle with her all day long if I could. I try, but the other two littles running around preclude that fantasy! Thankfully I have an amazingly experiences baby-snuggler in the house who wants nothing more than to love on my newest bundle (Thanks Gg)! The only time I do not feel totally head over heels in love with Gabi, is the 5 minutes or so two times per night when she stirs me from my not actual sleep with her crying of hunger. […]
I am alone. I don’t actually remember the last time I was alone… It has been well over a year, that I know for sure, as that was when Lili was conceived. Ever since then, I have always been with someone else whether it be Lili, family, friends, husband, dogs, etc. Tonight it is just me. Lili is asleep for the night. Alec is out with friends. Even my dogs are away at my parent’s house. I woke up this morning feeling very overwhelmed, as I have felt lately. I have an endless compulsion to do everything for everyone flawlessly. This is an admirable quality, but an exhausting one. On a typical day I wake up, (possibly work out) feed and interact with Lili, work, listen to some lectures or read journal articles, clean, repeat. In the evening I try to make dinner for my husband, and then once Lili […]
I had some reservations about posting this, as it is likely to receive a good bit of negative critiques. However, I realized that I am not alone in this, and other mothers should be aware of this and know it is normal and OK. I see this beautiful baby sound asleep on my chest and I feel…nothing. Actually, that’s not true, I do feel something but it isn’t positive; it’s guilt. I feel guilty for some reason because I do not feel that feeling every other mother talks about. All I ever wanted was to be a mother and I pressured my husband to have children sooner than he initially wanted. I was so sure that having a baby would so instantly enhance my life and just make my heart burst out of my chest like it does when I think of my husband. I am well read when […]