Why I Choose To Home-Unschool My Children
I chose to have children and I choose to educate them at home, in the world, online, everywhere and anywhere they need and want. This is why:
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I was sitting on the couch trying to sleep (third trimester problems) and I came to a somewhat profound realization – I am almost incapable of living in the moment. There is a song by Alabama called “I’m In A Hurry” that I relate to so terribly, I almost cry listening to it.
The lines that resonate the most with me are:
“I’m in a hurry to get things done, Oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun”
“Can’t be late I leave plenty of time, Shaking hands with the clock I can’t stop”
“I hear a voice That say’s I’m running behind, I better pick up my pace”
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I am a very type A person, and I am essentially never late. If I am late, there is a serious problem that was far beyond my control. In fact, I’m usually at least 10 minutes early to everything, and that has not changed since I had children (the pediatrician loves me for this quality!).
I was thinking back to when I could first remember rushing through my days, and I believe it was just about the age of 12/13 years old. This just so happened to coincide with my 7th/8th grade year of public school.
I fully entered into the public school system in 6th grade when I begged my parents to let me “experience” it instead of the relaxed homeschooling we had been doing. The only catch, was that I was not allowed to stop public school if I started, no biggie. We had just moved to a new city in a community of other school aged children, and the idea of school was novel and new. My father pushed back but eventually I was enrolled. I had tested out of the 5th grade and had kind of coasted for a while prior, as I did most days when we were “homeschooled.” I put that in quotes because we would fly through the state mandated curriculum in maybe 2 days a week and just lived our lives and ran around “unschooled” the rest of the time. Middle School was a cake walk for me, A+ gpa and almost perfect attendance record. High School was an easy A gpa, because toward the end I stopped caring much in my AP (advanced placement/college level) classes. I played sports throughout middle and high school which is likely the only thing that kept me sane. I graduated a year early, at the age of 15, then went to an out of state College. The next 5 years were a combination of self-discovery, hard work, laziness, disappointment, sadness, and all the other crap that comes with teenager life, mixed with the freedom of college and a job. I ended up with an Associates and Bachelor’s Degree, various certificates, and a whole lot of life experience.
Looking back on my public-school experiences (and I went to a very “good” school) I can likely count on my hands the pieces of information I retained, let alone use in my adult life. I learned nothing about myself, gained no self-esteem or world knowledge except how horrible children can be to others (I was never picked on or bullied, but I saw plenty of it), how sucking up can get you what you want, how hard teachers/schools push just to get a good test score, etc. My public school experience, that I cannot imagine was unique, was absolute shit. I felt like I was in a factory in a prison, and my life basically was put on hold for 6 years. Which, was almost 7 because my high school pushed back so hard when I applied to graduate early. You have a 15 year old, done with required courses, wasting time taking bullshit AP classes to fill the days, and you don’t want them to graduate. It was a bureaucratic shit show, but I finally won. When I was finally free and in college, it took another 4 years or so for me to shake the bullshit, mind-numbing, memorizing crap, hoop jumping, test scores are number one, zombie like mentality.
I had completely and utterly lost my once deeply engrained love of learning. Formal schooling robbed me of that. My spirit was dead. My take on learning was that it was an arduous task of memorizing shit I never wanted to know to please a government, to check boxes, and make the teachers and school look good. “Success” was a great test score, good attendance, and high GPA. I loved that aspect (in the moment) because, according to them, I was a glowing success. The teachers all loved me, the kids were hit or miss, my father was happy when I got good grades (A’s were the only thing acceptable), and I was counting down the days until I never had to deal with the shit again.
Public school as a whole, in my experience, had total disregard for the individual child and their various needs and wants and interests. But, I do not blame the system, teachers, parents…or anyone really. From a government run business standpoint (which formal, especially public, school is at the end of the day) there simply is no way to pinpoint what is best for each child. Logistically it is impossible, hence the 20+ kids for every teacher, constant redistricting, curriculum changes, policy changes, you name it. The concept of mandatory public schooling began quite a while ago as a combination of religious and political desires to control and mandate the population. Some countries wanted to train their people/soldiers exactly what they wanted them to know in order to better serve their political/religious agendas and prevent them from overthrowing the governemnt. Others wanted their citizens to be able to read their preferred bibles. There are many paths in the origin of mandated schooling, but they all were a way to harness the minds of a population. Today, in America at least, it is a fight for funding, recognition, literacy, test scores, the number of lawyer/doctor graduates, and higher enrollment.
**Now, before you get upset because you are, or know a teacher, please just stop. Teachers are invaluable, overlooked, underappreciated, etc. They use their own money to pay for supplies all the time, many are not paid well, the jobs are few and far between, hours are crap, parents and kids are assholes, etc. The autonomy is basically gone, yet the still come to work and do their job. The one main job that the children’s’ very own parents/guardians choose not to do, whether out of financially necessity, peer pressure, societal pressure, convenience, lack of awareness or desire for an alternative, etc. I have family members, friends, and many wonderful acquaintances that are public and private school teachers. They have a vital job, without a doubt. They care for and invest their time, money, and energy into so many children. But they won’t be teaching my children, because I am going to facilitate that. The few freedoms we have left, still allow me (with an annoying amount of paperwork and hoops) to do so. I am the most qualified “teacher” for my children, and anyone who argues against that can come to my home and have a chat.**
It’s funny too, because everyone these days seems to complain about the millennials and their sense of entitlement, laziness, lack of drive, obsession with their phones/social media, etc. …but why do you think they are like that? Social media, parents not giving a shit anymore because they feel bad and try to be friends with their kids, the public (and private) school system churning out identical molds of test taking zombies, and a general lack of direction from never having to think on their own about their lives and their loves and their passions. When I first went to college I was told it was totally normal to change my major 4-5 times… why? Because high school kids are expected to make their own learning choices after what… (preschool (3) to high school (17/18) 15 years of being told what to learn, how to learn it, how to prove it, and how to not question it? Riiiiight. It’s no wonder so many of my college peers just coasted for a year or two (or more!) and experimented with sex, drugs, and/or alcohol while paying (or their parents paying) thousands of dollars for their ‘education’. At least public school is free! (For the record, I feel the same way about almost all institutionalized schooling, including private, Montessori, etc.) College is a different bag of worms.
Back to where I began…rushing through life. My greatest, most powerfully strong memories are of when I was very young. Basically, before age 10. We moved around a lot, usually in rural areas. My strongest memories are of my family, playing outside, exploring 100s of acres of remote cliffs and farmland, being chased by cattle and geese, feeding barn kittens, riding propane tanks like horses, chasing chickens, fishing in streams, shooting shit with BB guns and sling shots, running wild and free every single day. The strongest memories were formed over maybe 2-3 year of my life, and they define who I am at the core of my being. When I am down, I think of those times and my entire body feels free and capable of anything. I am who I am because of those times, not because of the drudgery of formal school that took me years to overcome. Formal school extinguished my spark, my love, my utter zeal for learning. It was me getting through the day, looking at my calendar and waiting for the next day off or the next field trip to somewhere that might actually be of interest. I find myself, to this day, struggling daily with living in the moment. I spend my morning thinking about my afternoon, and my afternoon thinking about tomorrow, and tomorrow thinking about the next week. It is so hard for me to enjoy the NOW.
I have to rewire my brain from only 6 years of formal school. It is a daily struggle, and my children make it both harder and easier. Harder because some days suck so much that I just want to make it to the couple days a week my husband is home to help/relieve me. Easier because when I watch them play outside with reckless abandon, or hug their sister and say “I love you,” or hug me tightly for no reason, or the pride on their faces when they climb a tree or draw a letter themselves, I feel in the moment. Pure joy fills my heart like it does when I remember my wild and free childhood.
“But… you’re not a ‘teacher’, how can you teach children?” Well Mrs. Cindy Mindyourownbusiness, parents and life experiences have been teaching children for centuries, long before formal schooling and “TEACHERS” existed. (Side note, I have more formal education combined than most “teachers”). I have a wide array of knowledge, I read nonfiction almost daily (nonfiction I am interested in, by the way), I stay current on what matters to me and my family, and I can facilitate anything my children want to learn if I do not know it myself. I am smart, strong, kind, and thoughtful. I am technologically savvy. I know how to live a rich life. I have some amazing children. I am their mother, their parent, their guardian. I am the most qualified person to teach them and guide them in their lives. I am the one who has their absolute best interests in mind, every single day. They have complete trust in me, and I in them. I keep them safe, fed, clothed, and loved. Our family is blessed with the financial ability and savvy budgeting skills to be able to afford that I do not work a 9-5 outside the home. This allows me to stay home with my children beyond toddlerhood, even on days when I wish I could ship them out!
Now, finally. The question about “socialization.” First of all, I do not want my kids socializing with most kids ‘these days’, and I personally don’t want to socialize with them either. Go walk into an elementary, middle, or high school and hang out with those kids for like…30 minutes. Then tell me why that form of interaction (with same age and same socioeconomic status children) is not only ideal, but more important and valuable than that of the actual world we live in. And I’m not even talking about the various horrible behaviors, mannerisms, negative influences, poor grammar, annoying speech habits, etc. When you go to work as an adult, do you hang out with only those born the same year as you and live in the same neighborhood as you? Yeah…didn’t think so. I’m going to stop there, because socialization is a dumb topic and every single person/animal is socialized unless they are locked in a closet their entire life. And, that just isn’t my parenting style…
So, if you’ve asked me why I parent/teach/educate/guide my children the way I do, this is likely where I directed you to go. It’s unlikely you asked because you truly care and want to explore other ways of thinking, and if so good for you. In my 4ish years of experience with this, you more likely wanted to somehow validate whatever choice as a parent/person you have made or will make in your future. I am not judging you for your choices, because it is your life and your family. We all still sort of have the freedom to decide how that plays out. You can judge me all you want. But if you ask me why, this is why.
I don’t want my kids rushing through life until it is no fun. I don’t want to rush through life anymore, either. I want every day we are blessed to be on this planet to be as rich with experience and love as possible, for my children and for myself. And this is how I intend to fulfill that goal.
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