Just tell me I am beautiful?

    We have all been there; we are getting ready for a night out for at least twice as long as we normally take to get ready. We shave (everywhere!), use our special shampoo and conditioner, our favorite body wash lathered heavily on our loofa, and we do a little more with our eye makeup and put on our favorite perfume. We make sure we look excellent in different lighting, and quaff our hair just so. We descend down the staircase in a nonchalant manner and then we wait…we may go the entire evening up until the moment we scrub off all that face paint waiting. We feel beautiful, radiant, and unstoppable…yet with every minute that ticks by we get a little bit of self doubt and our general insecurities begin to surface. IF we get to the end of night without being told we are beautiful, our night was pretty much wasted. Sure, we can get hit on, bought drinks, stared at, but if our significant other does not comment on all that hard work we put into our appearance, there is an inevitable sense of devastation. 

    This has happened to me for as long as I can remember wearing makeup or caring whether or not I brushed my hair. While pregnant I find that I am especially sensitive to these comments and on the seldom occasion that I do take the time to get dolled up, I expect threefold to be noticed. Recently, I went out with my husband to dinner whilst very pregnant (overdue, in fact) and felt so radiant and lovely, despite my raging heartburn, huge belly, and yearning desire to flop onto the couch in a fit of exhaustion. I was sure my husband would say something so I waited, but didn’t let it ruin our evening. Then, it dawned on me…why don’t I just ask him? Not in a baited, passive aggressive manner in which he gets defensive and feels like a dick (yes, you can tell I have ambushed him a few times in the past with the “why don’t you just tell me I am pretty” comments), but rather in a give it to me straight kind of inquisitive way. So I asked him “Babe, I have a question, and I swear it isn’t baited and I want a truthful answer…when I put makeup on, on a night such as tonight, can you tell a difference?” He wearily answered “honestly…no” To which he very smoothly followed up with “But I just love you so much sweetie, that you are always beautiful to me.” I realized, for the very first time in at least 15 years, that he might actually be in the majority. It isn’t that our men don’t think to say we are pretty or beautiful when we are at our peak…it is that they tend to say it when we don’t believe them, such as just upon waking with messy hair and some leftover mascara smeared on our eyelids. Think about it, do you notice when your man gets a haircut, trims his beard, or puts on a few pounds?…didn’t think so. Also, if you do notice, do you often think to yourself “oh wow he looks so much better today than he did with the old haircut”? No, you love him madly and you think he is handsome all the time…why should we as women expect men to automatically be so shallow and vapid?

    Instead of thinking that men don’t find us more beautiful when we put on makeup or a special dress and high heels, why is it so hard for us to realize we are beautiful all the time in their eyes, so it just becomes the norm for them? Is that so hard to fathom? If you don’t believe me, I dare you to ask (not passively or baited!) your guy next time you’ve had a non-complementary dolled up evening out!