What about Dad?

I am married to a man, so for the ease of writing I will be referring to men and husbands, but this is not to say I do not support same-sex couples, unmarried couples, single mothers, single fathers, etc.

Why is it that men are so left out once a child comes along? Sure, the Dad doesn’t breastfeed and usually puts the diaper on backwards a few times before he experiences the wrath of a blowout, but why does he always seem to be placed on the backburner? Mothers take on a lot when they conceive a child; aside from bearing the child for over 9 months and dealing with the endless joys of pregnancy, once the child comes out a family is now her responsibility, in a sense. Yes, of course men and women are “equal” and should share responsibility, but lets just assume the man is not on maternity leave and is still going to work while the mother looks after the newborn.

We mothers needs to remember that our child’s father is not just a father…he is also our partner and was our partner far before baby came along. Being a great mother does not address the other huge responsibility we have, being a great partner to our spouse. It seems that so many women focus on the title of Mother, that we so easily forget we were ever Wife. We must remember there is another person involved, who is quite integral to the family unit and should be treated as such. Just because he doesn’t breastfeed, sing the lullaby just right, or understand what it is like to labor for 12 hours, does not mean he isn’t important or a valued member of this exclusive “Mom” group.

Let us also not forget that without Dads, we wouldn’t be mothers. Even if he doesn’t actively rush to change the diaper or soothe her, he still is helping emotionally. You expect him to be there for you as father and as husband, so doesn’t it make sense to reciprocate? Yes, it is emotionally draining and physically challenging, but just don’t forget about him, in both capacities…not just Dad. It is crucial to continue to nurture the partner relationship in order for the parent relationship to flourish. I’m not saying you have to go on dates without baby, but go on dates. Have some time alone after baby goes down for the night, and try not to constantly talk about parenting…remember to ask about his day and how he is doing. Chances are, he will appreciate getting some attention considering that cute little bundle has most likely become the center of your life, and will continue to be.

Think if the roles were reversed (and in some cases, such as my brother, they very well may be) and your husband was home all day with the baby…would you not be somewhat hurt if he never took the time to talk to you as a Wife? Think of the golden rule you were taught as a child, and know that it applies very well in this situation…