My Two Weeks

(Part of) The email I wrote to my Boss/Mentor/Role Model:

    I have had a lot of time to think about my priorities and life in general and have come to a decision regarding my level of involvement with the company at this time in my life. It is with a truly heavy heart that I type this… You may not know the positive impact you have had on me, but it has been substantial, and I hope to continue our relationship for many years to come. However, in terms of me moving forward with you, it will be put on hold at the very least.

    I want to take the time to explain, because I care about you and what you think of me. I want to do everything, all at once, exceptionally. However, once I am in the thick of it, certain areas of my life take a backseat. I know I am a capable person, and very driven, but I really need to realize my priorities. While I care deeply for you and your company, I am putting my family and my self first. Selfish, perhaps…but for once I think I am going to be selfish and enjoy it. Dropping Lili off with someone else truly kills me, and I feel inadequate as a parent. I am missing out on the one thing I tried so hard for, and for what? You have an amazing company, and your dedication to helping mothers and babies is inspiring. But I cannot help others until I am truly happy and fulfilled myself. When I am feeding Lili and checking e-mails simultaneously, something inside of me starts to ache and before I know it Lili is done eating and I completely missed that bonding time because my eyes were glued to my phone instead of my beautiful daughter.

So, why can’t I just work while Lili sleeps? Because, not only do I have a household to run and we are planning to have more children sooner than later, but I am unreliable. I had planned a great day of marketing today, and yesterday found out Lili had strep throat, thus preventing me from dropping her off at daycare, and ruining my plans for the day. I do not want to be “one of those Moms” who makes plans to be on a conference call or go to a meeting and then has to call out because of a sick child or a missed nap time. When I commit to something, I am 150% committed and reliable…I would rather not plan to do something than plan to do it and back out. I wish to maintain integrity and commit my time to my family and my self

I am truly blessed to have an unconditionally supportive family and the ability to stay home with my child(ren). I am going to embrace what I have and cherish it in every way.

I have a strong tendency to think less of myself if I am not doing at least 20 things at one time. This needs to stop. Since when it is not enough to raise a family and maintain a household?

I want to focus on being a Mom, Wife, and Daughter right now….